What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
