True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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