Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
