so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I am naked and annoyed.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
