I'm jealous of your bromance
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
