She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
