i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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