So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
