Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
