Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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