No awkward lesbian experiences without me
well I can't set my house on fire every night
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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