he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She has the best kind of daddy issues
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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