Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
