Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
