my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
