I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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