first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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