I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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