The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
