i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
