he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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