does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The beer is more important than you right now.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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