Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
