so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
