The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
