I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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