Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
