It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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