i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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