Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
