alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
