And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
