I'm gonna have a badass scar
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
