So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
