Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
