Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
