No stitches, just platelets and will power
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
