I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
