I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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