You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
