I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
