I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
