I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
