We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
