Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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