I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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