remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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