i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
