What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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