Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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