I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
