Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
