Im at strip club and am horny
I hate all girls vehemently.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
