you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
