can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
