Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
